Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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