your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
