You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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