The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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