Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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