I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize