Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
