I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
