Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
