it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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