he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
