weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
