all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
