Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
