Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize