Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
