i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
