I like to think it a success when the cops are called
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
