So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
