His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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