The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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