they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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