I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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