Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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