no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
