ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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