I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I sprained my soul last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
