How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
