Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
