I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
