i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just gift wrapped bread.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
