brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
