you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
