I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
