I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
