I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
