so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
