i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
