If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
