he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
