"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
