I think I won the penis lottery.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
