honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
