Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
