In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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