Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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