you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
