Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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