I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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