i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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