Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
