never play flip cup with pint glasses
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
