where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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