Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
