Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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