I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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