Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
