i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am spending my child support on dildos
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
