he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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