all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
