so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You made out with two different species that night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
