i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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