Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
