I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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