i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
