Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
