I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
