Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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