Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
