Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
