i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
