That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
