Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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