She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
