You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
