Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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