I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
