Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
