I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I am midnight drunk by noon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
