I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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