Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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