come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
